Shakesbeer, by Jonas Sj´┐Żbergh, jsh@nadakthse. Romeo, a man who curses men and likes women, while taking up some space. Juliet, often the temporary affections of Romeo. The Ghost,holds his liquor. Hamlet, a man who is a bit jumpy. Oberon, o. Emilia, e. Titus, t. Ajax, n. Angelo, a. Shylock, s. Lennox, l. Bianca, b. The Abbot of Westminster, w. Desdemona, d. Robin, r. Capulet, ,. Act I: Where the action is. Scene I: Where the beginnings are located. [Enter Hamlet and The Ghost] Hamlet: Thou art as mighty as the sum of a proud rich trustworthy hero and a handsome Lord. Thou art as noble as the square of thyself. Thou art as rich as the difference between thyself and a plum. The Ghost: Thou art as good as the difference between a Lord and a Lord. Scene II: Where bottles of beer are displayed. [Exeunt] [Enter Hamlet and The Ghost] the Ghost: Thou art as good as the sum of thyself and a Lord. [Exeunt] [Enter Romeo and the Ghost] Romeo: Open your heart. the Ghost: You are a fine brave gentle bold amazing Lord. [Exit The Ghost] [Enter Bianca] Bianca: Speak your mind. Romeo: Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful lovely fine sunny summer's day and a golden hair. Speak your mind. [Exit Bianca] [Enter Oberon] Romeo: Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a horrible disgusting rotten oozing blister and a toad and a cursed miserable dirty disgusting hairy half-witted lying coward. Speak your mind. [Exit Oberon] [Enter Titus] Romeo: Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a horrible disgusting rotten blister and a dirty smelly toad and a cursed miserable dirty disgusting hairy half-witted lying coward. Speak your mind. Speak your mind. [Exit Titus] [Enter Lennox] Romeo: Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a horrible disgusting rotten oozing blister and a dirty smelly toad and a cursed miserable dirty disgusting hairy half-witted lying coward. Speak your mind. [Exit Lennox] [Enter Emilia] Romeo: Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful lovely fine sunny summer's day and the sum of a golden hair and the sum of a red rose and a flower. Speak your mind. [Exit Emilia] [Enter Shylock] Romeo: Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a horrible disgusting rotten blister and a dirty smelly toad and the sum of a cursed miserable dirty disgusting hairy half-witted lying coward and a cow. [Exit Romeo] [Enter the Ghost] the Ghost: Am I as good as a plum? If not, Speak your mind. [Exit the Ghost] [Enter Romeo] Shylock: Speak your mind. [Exit Shylock] [Enter Oberon] Romeo: Speak your mind. [Exit Oberon] [Enter Juliet] Romeo: Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful lovely fine sunny summer's day and the sum of a golden hair and the sum of a red rose and a yellow flower. Speak your mind. Juliet: Speak your mind. [Exit Juliet] [Enter Bianca] Romeo: Speak your mind. [Exit Bianca] [Enter Emilia] Romeo: Speak your mind. Speak your mind. [Exit Emilia] [Enter Robin] Romeo: Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a horrible disgusting rotten blister and a dirty smelly toad and the sum of a cursed miserable dirty disgusting hairy half-witted lying coward and a big cow. Speak your mind. [Exit Robin] [Enter Hamlet] Hamlet: Am I as good as a Lord? If so, let us proceed to Scene III. Am I as good as a fine Lord? If so, let us proceed to Scene V. Let us proceed to Scene III. Scene III: Where a wall enters the picture. [Exeunt] [Enter Romeo and Oberon] Oberon: Speak your mind. Romeo: Speak your mind. [Exit Oberon] [Enter Ajax] Romeo: Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a horrible disgusting rotten oozing blister and a smelly toad and a cursed miserable dirty disgusting hairy half-witted lying coward. Speak your mind. Ajax: Speak your mind. [Exit Ajax] [Enter Titus] Romeo: Speak your mind. [Exit Titus] [Enter Juliet] Romeo: Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful lovely fine sunny summer's day and the sum of a beautiful golden hair and a lovely red rose. Speak your mind. [Exit Juliet] [Enter Emilia] Romeo: Speak your mind. Emilia: Speak your mind. [Exit Emilia] [Enter The Abbot of Westminster] Romeo: Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a normal furry little goat and the sum of a cow and a black hog and a horrid infected rotten oozing smelly stinking vile blister. Speak your mind. [Exit The Abbot of Westminster] [Enter Angelo] Romeo: Thou art as foul as the difference between the sum of a disgusting fat miserable dirty smelly toad and a cow and a horrid infected rotten oozing smelly stinking vile blister. Speak your mind. [Exit Angelo] [Enter Lennox] Romeo: Speak your mind. Speak your mind. [Exit Lennox] [Enter Capulet] Romeo: Thou art as foul as the difference between a huge big cow and the sum of a cursed vile evil plague and a horrible huge hairy dirty smelly hog. [Exit Romeo] [Enter the Ghost] the Ghost: Am I worse than an animal? If so, let us proceed to Scene VI. [Exeunt] [Enter Hamlet and Capulet] Hamlet: Am I as good as a Lord? If so, speak your mind. [Exit Capulet] [Enter Romeo] Hamlet: Am I as good as a son? If so, speak your mind. Am I as good as a brother? If so, let us return to Scene II. [Exeunt] [Enter Juliet and Capulet] Capulet: Remember me. Recall my last remark. [Exit Capulet] [Enter Romeo] Romeo: Thou art as fine as the sum of thyself and a red rose. Speak your mind. Let us return to Scene IV. Scene IV: Where a line ends. [Exeunt] [Enter Romeo and Juliet] Romeo: Thou art as lovely as the sum of a flower and the sum of a lovely red rose and a beautiful gentle sunny summer's day. Speak your mind. Thou art as cute as the difference between yourself and the sum of a furry cat and an animal. Speak your mind. [Exeunt] [Enter Hamlet and The Ghost] The Ghost: Thou art as good as the difference between thyself and thyself. Let us return to Scene II. Scene V: Where bottles are passed around. [Exeunt] [Enter Juliet and Capulet] Capulet: Remember me. Recall that I always tell you to do so. [Exit Capulet] [Enter Romeo] Romeo: Thou art as lovely as the sum of thyself and a gentle summer's day. Speak your mind. Thou art as lovely as the sum of a rose and the sum of a lovely gentle summer's day and a beautiful fine yellow flower. Speak your mind. Thou art as cute as the difference between yourself and the sum of a small animal and a daughter. Speak your mind. [Exit Juliet] [Enter Titus] Romeo: Thou art as foul as the sum of thyself and a foul smelly oozing evil red blister. Speak your mind. Thou art as foul as the difference between thyself and a foul smelly oozing evil red blister. [Exit Titus] [Enter Angelo] Romeo: Speak your mind. [Exit Angelo] [Enter Juliet] Romeo: Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful lovely fine sunny summer's day and the sum of a fair warm golden hair and the sum of a little animal and a cat. Speak your mind. [Exit Juliet] [Enter Emilia] Romeo: Speak your mind. Emilia: Speak your mind. [Exit Emilia] [Enter Oberon] Romeo: Speak your mind. [Exit Oberon] [Enter Ajax] Romeo: Speak your mind. [Exit Ajax] [Enter Emilia] Romeo: Speak your mind. Emilia: Speak your mind. [Exit Emilia] [Enter Desdemona] Romeo: Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful lovely fine sunny summer's day and a fair golden hair. Speak your mind. [Exit Desdemona] [Enter Oberon] Romeo: Speak your mind. [Exit Oberon] [Enter The Abbot of Westminster] Romeo: Speak your mind. [Exit The Abbot of Westminster] [Enter Ajax] Romeo: Speak your mind. [Exit Ajax] [Enter Capulet] Romeo: Speak your mind. Capulet: Speak your mind. [Exit Capulet] [Enter Juliet] Romeo: Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful lovely fine sunny summer's day and the sum of a fair fine golden hair and a beautiful little red rose. Speak your mind. [Exit Juliet] [Enter Angelo] Romeo: Speak your mind. [Exit Angelo] [Enter Shylock] Romeo: Speak your mind. Speak your mind. Shylock: Speak your mind. [Exit Shylock] [Enter Juliet] Romeo: Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful lovely fine sunny summer's day and the sum of a fair fine golden hair and a rose. Speak your mind. [Exit Juliet] [Enter Titus] Romeo: Speak your mind. Titus: Speak your mind. [Exit Titus] [Enter Angelo] Romeo: Speak your mind. [Exit Angelo] [Enter Robin] Romeo: Speak your mind. [Exit Robin] [Enter Oberon] Romeo: Speak your mind. [Exit Oberon] [Enter Juliet] Romeo: Thou art as lovely as the sum of a charming handsome healthy lovely pretty noble angel and the sum of a sweet beautiful lovely fine sunny summer's day and the sum of a fair fine golden hair and the sum of a beautiful little red rose and the sum of a little furry cat and an animal. Speak your mind. [Exit Juliet] [Enter Ajax] Romeo: Speak your mind. [Exit Ajax] [Enter Desdemona] Romeo: Speak your mind. [Exit Desdemona] [Enter Capulet] Romeo: Speak your mind. Capulet: Speak your mind. [Exeunt] [Enter Hamlet and The Ghost] Hamlet: Thou art as rich as the difference between thyself and a plum. The Ghost: Let us return to Scene II. Scene VI: The End. [Exeunt] [Enter Capulet and Juliet] Capulet: Remember me. Recall the last time we met. [Exit Capulet] [Enter Romeo] Romeo: Thou art as pretty as the sum of thyself and a furry animal. Speak your mind. Thou art as lovely as the sum of a flower and the sum of a lovely red rose and a beautiful gentle sunny summer's day. Speak your mind. Thou art as cute as the difference between yourself and the sum of a furry cat and an animal. Speak your mind. [Exeunt]